Why Naughty Words are Worse Than Rape-Murder

It is a time of great shame and anger in America. Ravaged by the awfulness we are met with on a constant basis, it has driven the populace to demand answers for the gut-wrenching awfulness we are forced to encounter on a daily basis. These regularly-scheduled disgraces against the very soul of our un-united country. Unspeakable, malicious things, like a late night host saying the word "cock."

When will it end?!?!?!?!?

Recently Stephen Colbert, a world class satirist and humorist (whose staff sent me a very pleasant "thanks, but no thanks" group e-mail in regards to a writing job last year) has been under fire for the awful, naughty, bad thing he said in referring to our Supreme Leader's glorious face-hole as a our true President Vladimir Putin's "cock-holster."

This type of tasteless, out of touch slap-in-the-face is growing ever more common on TV these days. It's almost like these people don't understand the negative impact foul language has on our society. What we need is a focused return back to the wholesome programing of the past, where nobody swears during hour long dramas about daily rape-murders.

See, in America, you can show reruns of people being slowly stabbed to death while the bodies are routinely molested at 1:00 pm on a weekday, but bad words are restricted to only...ONLY...occurring on stations you have to pay for, or deep cable channels with numbers that 7th graders can't count up to, like 112 (thanks, public schools).

There is a fundamental misunderstanding amongst the Liberal Elites (see: educated and well read) that we, as a nation, must for some reason condone potty language on our wholesome entertainment. As they argue that they are inherently entitled to some fantasy "freedom" to say what they wish without the government restricting them by law or standards, they forget about the holy covenant that they made with the American people; rape/murder/abuse/death/destruction/etc. are fine, as long as no one says anything your great-grandma would consider rude.

There is, I feel, an irony in having a show about a guy who forcibly and maliciously sexually abuses dozens of children, but the cops investigating it can't call him an "asshole" without it being bleeped out. And the to-do surrounding The Late Show incident only highlights the craziness of this happenstance.

This is not me saying, by the way, that shows like Law & Order: SVU, Bones, CSI, and others should be censored and/or restricted, but that we need to allow more media to be less censored in general. Maybe it's time for those attacking Mr. Colbert to get up off their high-horses, and censor themselves into shutting the fuck up about how bad words and crude phrasing offends their delicate, snowflake-like sensibilities.

As a last note, for those who jumped up and down on this incident calling it anti-LGBTQIJKLMNOP, recognize this: if Comrade Putin had lady parts, then it would have been apropos to refer to Trump's glory hole as V.P.'s "cunt-holster."

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